Lately I’ve ben either eating very little or over eating. My emotions have been up and down. I am stuffing my face with food. Filling the void. Sadness, heartache. Today I ate an extra value meal at McDonald’s and three slices of pizza. Finally I find myself in a relationship and I have barriers that go up when trust has been violated. It’s hard to trust when your man calls you a “fat bitch” or a “worthless girl”. I spend too much time thinking these thoughts myself and this man loves me? Wanting to scream my head off.
I hurt so bad. These past couple of weeks have been really hard for me. The case of the ex-girl friend. I already feel insecure. I don’t know how to tell him that he is hurting m. That I want it to stop. Most of the time I hide inside myself and I don’t respond. I eat and I don’t want to. All I want is to be a size 16 again. I got there and gained it back. I have lost no weight and I need to get into that frame of mind again. I want to cry.