Life has passed me by in the fat suit. Gaining weight, losing weight. Depression…..Hopelessness….FEAR. I hide and I eat. Hoping to get filled up. The worst thing a woman can be is fat. I have been fat since the third grade. I am now 31. What would happen to me if I lost all of the weight. Will I be noticed when I just want to hide? Will my emotional problems go away? That is a lot of expectations based on the number on the scale. Putting happiness in the basket with being thin is pretty destructive. There are live grenades in that basket. I have spent so much time hating myself. Wasted time. It has gotten in the way of many things. For some reason I can’t let it go. I see myself as a child when it started. When I started to comfort myself with food. There have been times when I felt so ashamed of myself and feeling unable to leave my house. I think that everyone has a vice. A secret thing that they do to combat emotions. Mine is food and it translates to my body and I can’t hide it.
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