9-22-10

So I have been pretty upset about Barbara these past couple of days. I haven’t been drinking or smoking weed so I’ve been dealing with the raw emotions. I have been crying and writing. The goods news is that I haven’t been turning to food for comfort either. All day I’ve been “hungary” and seeking solace in the refrigerator or cupboards. But I have stopped myself from bingeing. Something has held me back and I think it’s the progress I have made in my weight loss goals. I also know that stuffing my face is not going to take away the pain of losing Barbara. I did however lie in bed until 2 o’clock thinking about things. I stayed up until 4am last nite thinking. This has got to stop! I need to get on a better sleep schedule.

As for the boy, he totally made my day today. Laughter really is the best medicine! And I made him laugh not the other way around. I need him in my life and if all that is for now is on facebook then I have to accept that.

As for my feelings about my life, Barbara and him, it’s what Lauryn Hill says: “Everything is everything. What is meant to be will be. After winter must come spring. Change comes eventually.”

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This entry was posted in American Culture, Body Image, Fat Girl, Self-esteem, Standards of Beauty. Bookmark the permalink.

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