I had a dream about him last nite. In the dream I was trying to show him my writing and he rejected me. I woke up feeling depressed. I lay in bed for several hours and I didn’t want to get out of bed. Not just because of him but because I feel lonely. My closest friends don’t live where I live and the grace period with my roommate has officially ended. I can’t stand her but I only pay $350 a month for rent and since I decided to give up working to pursue school full-time.

School starts in 10 days and I am freaking out because I have yet to hear from financial aid. What will I do without school? I don’t want to prolong it another quarter, I’ve been putting it off for years. Fucking around and not taking my life seriously. And now I am and it’s totally up to someone else. I am afraid they are going to say no due to the fact that I was fucking around the last quarter I was school, in fact I had to pay back a few hundred dollars.

As for the boy, I have to keep writing about him until he’s out of my system. And until I meet a man as cool as he is. Like I know how cool he is anymore. “Cuz it’s all in my head, I think about it over and over again…….”

This entry was posted in American Culture, Body Image, Fat Girl, Self-esteem, Standards of Beauty. Bookmark the permalink.

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