9\13\10

The other week I was feeling a little desperate for sex and so I browsed Craigs List for men looking for a BBW. Big Beautiful Woman. I saw this hot guy who posted an add along with his phone number so you could text him. So I texted him and sent him a photo. He said he was looking for a long-term relationship which I thought was a crock of shit. No man is looking for that on Craig’s List. He kept calling me hun, which got on my fucking nerves. I mean how gross is that?

He paid me a compliment by telling me I didn’t look like a BBW but then requested a photo of a full body shot. When I asked him his name I got no response. Normally I would have complied but something held me back. I realized that I just didn’t want to down that road. I want to meet a man in a normal way. Men rarely hit on me though. I want to be in love, I want to be in a relationship. Both things I’ve never had.

The only person I want doesn’t want me. It is so hard being friends with him on Facebook and knowing that he dates drama filled ghetto bitches. I have really exposed myself raw to him by letting him read my other blog. I don’t know why I need his validation-he’s not giving it me in any way other than saying: “I’m glad your writing about your experiences.” Not good. This man is all I think about. Never in my life has a man consumed my thoughts so much. It started in May when we last spoke. I know what your thinking cuz I think it too. May?? There’s nothing to be had, get over it! The thing is that I have this hope. Even I after I logically talked to myself about the situation. Why am I so caught up? It’s not like I can’t get anyone else, hence the Craigs List guy. My brother thinks he’s an asshole and that I’m an asshole for caring.

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This entry was posted in American Culture, Body Image, Fat Girl, Self-esteem, Standards of Beauty. Bookmark the permalink.

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