The other week I was feeling a little desperate for sex and so I browsed Craigs List for men looking for a BBW. Big Beautiful Woman. I saw this hot guy who posted an add along with his phone number so you could text him. So I texted him and sent him a photo. He said he was looking for a long-term relationship which I thought was a crock of shit. No man is looking for that on Craig’s List. He kept calling me hun, which got on my fucking nerves. I mean how gross is that?

He paid me a compliment by telling me I didn’t look like a BBW but then requested a photo of a full body shot. When I asked him his name I got no response. Normally I would have complied but something held me back. I realized that I just didn’t want to down that road. I want to meet a man in a normal way. Men rarely hit on me though. I want to be in love, I want to be in a relationship. Both things I’ve never had.

The only person I want doesn’t want me. It is so hard being friends with him on Facebook and knowing that he dates drama filled ghetto bitches. I have really exposed myself raw to him by letting him read my other blog. I don’t know why I need his validation-he’s not giving it me in any way other than saying: “I’m glad your writing about your experiences.” Not good. This man is all I think about. Never in my life has a man consumed my thoughts so much. It started in May when we last spoke. I know what your thinking cuz I think it too. May?? There’s nothing to be had, get over it! The thing is that I have this hope. Even I after I logically talked to myself about the situation. Why am I so caught up? It’s not like I can’t get anyone else, hence the Craigs List guy. My brother thinks he’s an asshole and that I’m an asshole for caring.

This entry was posted in American Culture, Body Image, Fat Girl, Self-esteem, Standards of Beauty. Bookmark the permalink.

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