So today I went shopping because all of my clothes are baggy and low and behold: I dropped a size! I feels amazing. I’ve been putting in work! Although I’m now down to a size 18 I have to say I feel like a size 16. I only bought a couple of things because I hope to do down another size and I don’t want to commit.
I’ve been thinking about relationships lately. I go back and forth between desperately wanting to be in one to not wanting to be in one at all. My past record shows me falling for my closest male friend only to be rejected in the end and the friendship imploding. I think I’m hung up on that romantic fantasy of friends turning into lovers. I think I just wanted someone who knows me inside by getting to know me without romantic obligations and after discovering I’m a rare and wonderful being. Then decides that he can’t live without me, comes to my house in the dead of night, in the pouring down rain, where he proceeds to tell me soaking wet with his hand covering his heart that he’s in love with me, can’t live without me. Then we proceed to have the most mind-blowing sex where I cum at least 5 times.
Is it no wonder that I’m still single? But it’s a healthy fantasy. Maybe finding someone isn’t about weight our looks. Maybe it’s all about confidence. That look you get in your eye when your truly happy. I notice that is when I get a response from the opposite sex. Hmmm……..