8/26/2010

Today I was in such a great mood that I skipped the last five blocks home this evening. And no, I was not drunk. This fat girl is happy. I don’t even know why, but I am. It feels great. I have been dwelling over the boy and I did break my promise to myself that I wouldn’t text him. But I needed to tell him that I just wanted things to back to the way they were before when we actually talked sans Facebook and discussed our true passions: writing and Hip-Hop. No fucking response. Shit…..live and learn I suppose. But I’m wrapped up and it doesn’t make sense.

I feel lonely. I need a man, and I never thought I would ever utter those words. This girl was trained by Sex and the City, Samantha style, but with Charlotte like tendencies. I think I just need to have sex! I masturbate all the fucking time. No one knows how to get me off like me! Ha ha!

When I skipped home I had to hold up my pants and that was encouraging. You know when I take pictures of myself on my BlackBerry to load up to Facebook my face looks completely different from when I look in the mirror. What’s up with that? So I don’t load pictures up at all. Not until I lose more weight. To be honest I just want to be the same size I was when I lived in Los Angeles. There men noticed me and I felt great about my body. It’s not that I hate my body exactly now, it’s just I know what it can look like and I won’t stop until I’m there.

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This entry was posted in American Culture, Body Image, Fat Girl, Self-esteem, Standards of Beauty. Bookmark the permalink.

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